We Can Work It Out: A MORFS Universe Story
By Terry Volkirch
Chapter 7: May 9 to May 14, 2035 The rest of my first week of school as a girl was mostly dull, with occasional highs and lows. Riding the train home with Sasha and her 'friends' was an obvious low. So was trying to run after I got home. I couldn't come close to matching my speed as a boy, and my bouncing boobs drove me crazy. I'd have to settle for walking until I found something that elevated my heart rate a bit more. Walking was good but the town was relatively flat. There weren't any nearby hills to climb so it would take me too long to burn enough calories that way. I wanted a more intense workout. Something else that caused me a surprising amount of anxiety was trying to catch up on my missed homework assignments. For some reason, I felt less confident in class. It didn't make sense because I scored very well on all the papers I got back so far, and I was doing much better than I normally did in English. I didn't understand it but I suspected it had something to do with my gender change. My confidence as a girl came and went with the wind. It was a good thing I had my mother to talk to. Our relationship was especially important given how few friends I had so we called each other frequently that first week. I still thought of my cell phone as my emergency phone but my emergencies included emotional distress now. I really needed more friends. Adrian and I had become closer, though he was still hard for me to relate to. He was so analytical all the time. He often felt cold and distant to me. Was I like that before I morfed? I hope not. I couldn't imagine being too analytical now, not like Adrian. I think all those computers he worked with were a bad influence on him. He was nice enough but I'd have to see if I could help him be a little more human. There was one very pleasant surprise for me in my science class on Friday. That was a nice change. We were supposed to pick a partner for a chemistry lab experiment and a girl named Michelle asked to be my partner. She said it was because she remembered me as a boy and thought I was smart. She wanted to do well and was hoping I could help her. From the way she said it, I could tell she wasn't just intending to use me. She was very friendly and sincere and I happily agreed. The lab experiment involved some homework over the weekend and Michelle and I planned to meet Saturday night at my house to work on it together. I became cautiously optimistic at that point. It looked like I might gain another friend. My week was going to end on a high note. All I had to do was endure Sasha and company on the way home. When I got to the train station after school, I had yet another nice surprise, and I had to wonder if the universe was trying to balance things out for me. There was no sign of the girl gang. I figured they were skipping school. I was sure it was a popular pastime for those three. Underground train rides are usually dull - since there's no scenery to watch - but I enjoyed the ride that day, and my good mood lasted the whole weekend. Homework with Michelle went exceeding well on Saturday, and exceedingly fast. We got through it in no time and ended up spending the rest of the evening talking. It was my first girl talk session and I hung on every word, though when it got to the subject of boys, I was a little shy. I told Michelle that I wasn't too sure about them yet. I made her think it was more fear than distaste. I didn't want to confess my sexual preference to her and scare her off. She was nice but she wasn't my type anyway. I was still holding out for Jill. As soon as I thought of Jill, I let out a heavy sigh, and I'm sure I had a dreamy look on my face. I was in love. Michelle recognized my look. "Okay. Spill it, Bobbi," she said. "Huh? What do you mean?" I really had no idea what she meant because my brain was in an emotional fog. "Come on. I know that look. You're in love. So who is he?" I blushed for all the obvious reasons at that question. First of all, it wasn't a boy I was in love with, and second of all, I was caught red-handed. I couldn't bring myself to tell her it was a girl and not a boy. I was embarrassed enough as it is. I didn't want to lie to Michelle so I just told her a partial truth instead. I told her about lying in my hospital bed with a nurse named Sandy predicting that I'd meet someone special sometime in the near future. I didn't describe Jill or mention her name. "So you're not even sure if he's real?" Michelle asked. She found my story hard to believe, and I suppose I would've too except this is a world where people can do all sorts of impossible things, thanks to MORFS. It changed me into a girl after all. I was very certain Sandy really was a precog and I was sure Jill was real. "No," I said. "I know my true love is out there. It's the finding that's proving difficult." Finding Jill was difficult, especially since I hadn't really looked all that hard. I kept an eye out for her in school but hadn't spied her so far. What was really difficult though was avoiding the use of male pronouns when referring to her during my conversation with Michelle. I didn't want to lie to a new friend. After talking a little more, I'm afraid I overdid it though. Michelle placed her hands on her hips and gave me a suspicious look after I almost slipped and used a female pronoun at one point. "So what's her name, Bobbi?" she finally said. That's it then. She knows. Darn intuition. I told my new friend more after that, except I didn't bother her with the frustrating part - the fact that my true love isn't attracted to girls. I only told her about my first wonderful dream of flying to school and meeting Jill. When I'd finished, she thought that was the coolest love story she ever heard. She even got a dreamy look on her face. Then she had a moment of inspiration that gave me hope and sent my heart fluttering. "Have you tried looking her up in the yearbook?" she asked. It was such a simple idea I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it. I didn't know Jill's last name but I knew what she looked like. All I had to do was look at all the pictures. I immediately lunged for my bookshelf, pulled out my yearbook from last year and the two of us spent the next 10 minutes or so looking through it together on my bed. It was one of the most exciting times of my life. Too bad it didn't work out. I wish I could say I found Jill in my book but she wasn't there. Michelle still gave me one more small bit of hope to cling to though. My yearbook was from last year. Jill could still be a freshman. She wouldn't show up in last year's book but she'd be in this year's issue. All I had to do is wait a little over two weeks for the new one to come out. It came out the day after my birthday. It was a little late for a birthday present but that was fine by me. Of course there was another explanation too. She might not have had her picture taken. There was a section for each year that listed students without a picture. It was labeled 'Camera Shy'. I didn't like that possibility. I wanted a picture to swoon over. After the excitement of the hunt wore off, Michelle and I talked a little more before she went home. She just couldn't let go of the subject of boys. "I know you like girls but how do you know you don't like boys too?" she had to ask. I admitted that I wasn't sure since I hadn't tried it, and my doubt was all it took. She insisted that I give boys a chance, and she wanted me to do it soon, before I tried getting together with Jill. I think she still had a little trouble believing that Jill was real. She wanted to make sure I didn't wait around for love the rest of my life. She really was becoming a good friend. I told her I didn't think I could handle dating on my own and she said she'd help me with everything, including lessons on how to handle boys. She thought we could even double date. I would make sure to remind her of that idea. I didn't want to be left alone with a boy. "I don't think you'll have any trouble getting a date, Bobbi," she said as she gave me a critical look. "You're quite pretty." "Thanks. You're not bad yourself," I responded as I checked her out. It was the first time I'd had an excuse to give her a good look. She was very short and slender, with dark brown eyes and long hair that was dyed light pink. When I got to her chest, I lingered a bit and had to mentally slap myself. Michelle never said it but it was obvious she only liked boys. I didn't want her to think I was attracted to her. That could make things awkward so it led me to ask her an important question. "Michelle, does it bother you that I like girls?" She didn't see that coming because she had to stop and think a moment. "No, I'd have to say that it doesn't, probably because you already have your heart set on someone else. I think I'd be uncomfortable if you were attracted to me, but that isn't the case, is it?" "No, Michelle," I said as I gave her my best sisterly smile. "I can safely say that as far as girls go, I only have eyes for Jill." That was a relief for both of us, but before she left, Michelle had to end on a less serious note. She told me that even if it turned out I didn't like boys, I'd still get some valuable kissing practice. That sparked a long session of giggling. We traded off and kept each other going for several minutes. "Are you sure you used to be a boy?" she asked when the giggles abated. "I'm not sure I was ever really a boy," I replied truthfully. * * * Sometime between our homework and girl talk, Michelle and I managed to fit in time to make plans for shopping on Sunday. Michelle's mother dropped us off at the mall just after lunch and we hit the place running. If my new friend ever thought I was the least bit masculine, she changed her mind after she saw me in action. It was my first time shopping with another girl and I made the best of it. I still had more clothes and loads of accessories to hunt down and buy. In case a boy ever dares ask me why I love shopping so much, I imagine explaining it to him with a hunting metaphor. I never know where something will be or how much it'll cost. Sometimes I have no idea what it looks like. I just slog through the urban jungle until I come upon some prey. Then it's me against it and only the stronger one survives. That thought never fails to make me giggle, but I think a boy might have a chance of relating to it. The two of us had a great time, although Michelle didn't buy half as much as I did. She seemed a bit down about it so I made it up to her by letting her buy us milkshakes during a rare break. What a deal! Actually, she told me she was hooked on photography. Her mother often dragged her to various exhibits and she discovered photography at one of them. It could be an expensive hobby so she didn't have much money left for clothes. I knew what I'd be getting her for her birthday and Christmas. We had a little free time while we sucked down our shakes, so we tried some boy watching - another of Michelle's favorite hobbies. She showed me what to look for in a boy and I tried not to roll my eyes. I really did. She caught me anyway and playfully slapped me on the arm. "Come on, Bobbi," she whined. "This is serious." "Like, I'm sure," I said in a fake ditzy voice. "I'm like, so trying." That got us some attention, but not the right kind. We laughed so hard we almost got thrown out of the food court. Shopping just kept getting better. I'm sure we could've gone on all night. Since she often had to do without money, Michelle had perfected the art of window shopping and I got caught up in it. I didn't spend any money the last hour we were there. Unfortunately the mall closed early and forced us to stop. Michelle called her mother to pick us up and we were soon on our way home. I was dropped off with an almost tearful farewell. We hated to say good-bye, but I promised we'd shop again soon to end our trip on a lighter note. I was quite animated when I got in the door. I ran upstairs and spread all of my purchases out on my bed to show my mom. She was impressed. Then we went downstairs and sat on the couch while I told her all about shopping with Michelle. It was fun watching my mother's eyebrows go up and down as I talked about my day. I learned to gauge her reaction by how far they raised. When I told her about boy watching, they raised higher than I'd ever seen them. It made an interesting game, and suddenly I had a terrible urge to see if I could break the record. That left only one thing to tell. When I told her about Michelle's plan for a double date, her eyebrows all but disappeared under her bangs. It was a new record! I had to laugh at that, but I was kind and assured her I'd always be a good girl. The conversation didn't last long since the six o'clock hour was fast approaching. We had to start dinner if we wanted a peaceful meal. Dad got loud when he was hungry. He'd been out as usual working hard on his greasy project with his friend so he'd most likely be hungry very soon. Dinner didn't take long to prepare. We reheated some leftovers and added a simple salad with ice cream for dessert. Then we gathered in the living room for a final celebration of that special day. I didn't exactly mean to gloss over it, but it truly was special. It was Mother's Day. I remembered to buy my mother a card and some flowers. I'd given them to her in the morning before I'd left for shopping. I loved her dearly and wanted to show her. It's just that I felt a little uneasy about it. I didn't like to be reminded that someday, I might have two reasons to celebrate that day. It was too advanced a topic for me at the time. All in all, it was a pleasant and relaxing evening, and it helped me wind down for a good night's sleep. Tomorrow would be a long day, filled with school, escape from Sasha and more therapy. * * * Monday at school was very strange in its normalcy. I still expected more trouble and didn't find any. I imagined classmates pointing their fingers and calling me a girlie boy or something. Instead, I got boring lectures, reading and homework assignments. Lunch was nice, though a little awkward. Adrian and Michelle sat with me of course, but the two of them had absolutely nothing in common, except their small size. I had to hold two separate conversations most of the time, with an occasional translation when one of my friends asked the other a question. I considered tutoring Michelle about computers but threw that idea out. Computers didn't appeal to me as much any more, except as a useful tool. It would be much more fun getting Adrian to appreciate the more colorful side of life so he could relate better to girls. He'd thank me for it eventually. My last two classes weren't exactly normal. I've always liked science but I never remembered my science class being so much fun. Michelle and I flew through our lab exercises and chatted away the time. It was with great reluctance that I went to PE, but even that turned out to be fun. I couldn't help but cheer on the girls on both teams. It wasn't the usual way to enjoy a softball game but it was fun for me. So there it was - the end of the school day. Now the reality of getting home came crashing down on me. I knew Sasha would be waiting for me that day, and I knew she'd make up for lost time. She had the past three days to think of exquisite tortures for me. I couldn't wait. I was happy Michelle wouldn't share my misfortune. She had photography club after school. Her overprotective mother always picked her up from school anyway so she'd get home, safe and sound. I'd be tempted to join the club with her if I knew anything about cameras, but it was just as well. Sometimes we had to face problems alone. I had no idea what would happen or how I'd deal with it so I kept my mind occupied with other things as I made my way to the train station. I tried to think positively and that led to thoughts about Michelle. We got along so well that I wish we'd met years ago. I wasn't sure about the rest of her family though. We'd had several conversations about our mothers already and I think I had the better deal. Michelle's mother didn't work, unlike mine. Instead she stayed home and constantly fussed over her daughter. My relative independence was a source of envy, but I don't think I'd be envied now. It was time to test my emotional pain tolerance again. Sasha was waiting for me. I'd soon be on my way to therapy. It would involve a lot of talking, and there was still that creepy receptionist to deal with, so I wasn't in the mood to trade verbal blows. I decided to try something different. There was a primitive, childish game that appealed to me in my current mood. It was the game of making faces. The facial sparring began with me giving Sasha a blank look. I really just hoped to ignore her, thinking she might lose interest. No such luck. She countered with a scowl that quickly turned into a strange smile. She was up to something. As I continued my blank look, she started licking her upper lip in a very suggestive way. It looked like she was coming on to me! That was disturbing on so many levels but I still couldn't help getting turned on by it. She could actually be quite attractive when she tried. Dang my hormones anyway. The expression on my face slowly changed without me realizing it until I felt my lips part. My breath came in short pants. I was obviously aroused and she knew it. I could tell because she laughed and turned away, dragging her two oblivious minions with her. She'd won today's battle. I hung my head in shame and blushed all the way to Gwen's office. I was still so ashamed and upset when I entered the lobby that I barely noticed Gwen's annoying receptionist. Of course it helped that David said remarkably little to me. I figured Gwen had spoken to him about giving me some space and I hoped the silent treatment would continue. Perhaps, if he kept his manners, I'd reward him with some light conversation, but not today. Gwen immediately knew something was wrong when she saw me. She took me by the hand and led me past the chairs in her office to her couch. There she hugged the tears out of me. It felt so good I didn't mind postponing conversation for awhile. After my cry, I sniffed a few times and the words poured out. Naturally, I began with the subject of Sasha. I recounted the past week of victories and defeats at the train station, and ended with speculation about my tormentor having bad parents. Gwen listened carefully and well, letting me get everything out, everything except Sasha's name. I told her about my involuntary lust for Sasha but I wouldn't give up her name. I still didn't want any direct interference. I'd accept suggestions and that's all. I was determined to resolve this problem on my own and I made sure Gwen knew it. "I'm so sorry, Bobbi," she said. "You've had a rough week, but you're handling it pretty well I think." "Thanks," I sniffled. "Now I'd like you to consider using something besides words to defend yourself. I don't advocate violence but I don't see anything wrong with defending yourself. I'd like you to consider taking a martial arts class." "Really?" I was surprised at that. "Yes, really. Weapons make me nervous but I'll not be a passive victim. I think a martial art is the best solution for this type of problem. It would also be good for exercise and confidence." Something clicked in my mind. I'd been lacking both exercise and confidence. Martial arts seemed like the perfect solution. The only problem now is which class do I take? There are several different styles available in town and I knew next to nothing about any of them. Gwen correctly took my silence for acceptance. She had a business card already in hand to give to me, saving me the trouble of choosing a class. It taught a form of jujitsu that emphasized techniques for smaller, weaker students. "Here's an instructor I can recommend. I've heard nothing but good things about her. Of course you'll want to discuss it with your parents. If you like, we can talk to your mother about it when she comes to pick you up." "Yes, please," I said, still staring at the card in my hand. I couldn't wait to start the class. Gwen and I discussed a couple other alternatives to avoid the girl gang, just in case my parents didn't like the idea of me learning jujitsu. Walking wasn't a good alternative. I didn't feel like walking so far in my school clothes and besides, Sasha would most likely miss me and come looking for me on foot. That could be worse because she might catch me in a place with no one else around and beat me up. Joining a club and taking a later train would work but I'd have to join several to cover every day. I didn't like that idea either. Both ideas were just attempts at running away from my problems. I really hoped I'd be able to take the jujitsu class. There wasn't much time left in my session but I had a couple more things I wanted to discuss. The first one dealt with the emotional pain I felt from being hated. That was actually the worst part of my encounters from Sasha. "Why would the girls hate me so much?" I whined. "What did I ever do to deserve their attacks?" "Hush dear," Gwen soothed. "It's not about you. I'm sure it's not personal. Some people just like to pick on others who are smaller and weaker than themselves. They do it to make themselves feel stronger and better." That explanation didn't ring true for me. It felt like the Sasha was singling me out for some reason that had to do with my gender change. I couldn't be sure though. I thought I should talk about one more issue so I didn't say anything more about it except to agree with Gwen for now. "Okay," I said after a deep breath. "I'll try not to take it personally." Then I paused. It was difficult to talk about my sexual preference but I'd already let the cat out of the bag. I felt that I had to follow through. "I think I'd like to talk about liking girls then," I said while looking down at the floor. "I know it's frowned upon in this town but I can't help it. I was attracted to girls before I changed and I'm still attracted to them now." I braved a glance up at Gwen and she gave me the perfect smile as a response. It radiated warmth and compassion, and there was almost no need for words. I bared my soul and wasn't rejected for it. That was as it should be. Unfortunately, not everyone felt the same way. "Oh Bobbi," Gwen sighed. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with being attracted to girls. You may also be attracted to boys, but even if you aren't, expressing love in any form should never be attacked. Hating people for loving is a tragic irony, don't you think?" I shook my head yes at that. Her little speech was profound but I understood well enough, and it made me feel better. My second session ended on that point and I felt better than ever. I had more hope than ever. As we wrapped things up, I quickly told her that my classes were going well, and that I met a new friend named Michelle. There were some nice things that happened to me since my last session. I thought that was important to know, but of course those aren't the things that you need to talk about in depth when you're getting therapy. Gwen came out to the lobby with me and talked to my mom about the jujitsu class as promised, and it seemed like an acceptable idea. All I had to do was get daddy's approval. I thought that was a done deal though. I was sure he'd imagine me fending off aggressive dates with my new skills and would be all too eager to send me to class. As my mother drove us home, I reflected on my therapy session. Once again I'd not covered nearly as much as I'd liked. I still hadn't said anything about my dreams and they were starting to drive me crazy, but at least I was making progress. That was the important part. We got home and went directly to the kitchen to start dinner. Daddy would be home soon and I wanted a nice, quiet meal to end my day. I was in a hurry to get started but I had one thing left to do. I wanted a little more silent hug therapy from mom. "The bully at the train station again?" my concerned mother asked while hugging me. I pulled back and just shook my head yes. "Well, we'll just see what your father says about taking a martial arts class, but don't worry. I'm sure he'll let you." I hoped he'd let me take the class, but my mother and I agreed not to bother him with all the reasons why I wanted to go. We were afraid he'd get too upset about the girl gang. Daddy got home in a fairly good mood. He didn't shout at least. I softened him up with a big smile and a hug as he got in the door. I like to think that helped. My mother and I waited until he was softened up a bit more with some food. Then we sprang the idea of taking jujitsu, and guess what. He approved! With the dreamy smile on his face, I was sure he was thinking how nice it would be for me to take care of myself so he wouldn't have to worry - as much. The evening passed quickly. I occupied myself with a little after dinner family time and homework. Then I finished the day as usual by taking a shower. I preferred showering at night so I'd be nice and squeaky clean when I snuggled into a clean bed. After my shower, as I patted myself dry and wrapped a towel around my head, I amazed myself by not having any problems with being nude. I'd been aroused when I saw myself in the mirror the first few times, but there'd been too many distractions since then. I'd quickly gotten used to my body, and now it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to be naked, just like before my change. I was all girl, and I was happy. I blow dried my hair, slipped into my pajamas and got into bed with a smile. Things had been a rough lately but they were looking up. I hoped to soon be dreaming about being a jujitsu master and hip throwing all my troubles out the door.
To Be Continued...
The entire MORFS Universe can be found at http://morfs.nowhere2go.org/