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maandag 2 maart 2009 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
Starfox Howl
Comment
While the story is entertaining overall, there were too many things happening and too many 'gotchas' thrown in to allow the story to be believable even in the MORFS universe where odd things happening is the norm. Edictic memory, martial artist of the Shanghi opera caliber, working towards a PI's license since 16, and now dropping out of high school to open an agency. I think this could be a very good story, but you're going to have to pare back some of the WOW's in it. Also, as someone else has pointed out, you need to slow down and introduce your characters a bit better. A good first try, but I think you need to pull this back and rework.
Email
Starfoxhowl@gmail.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

donderdag 26 februari 2009 from Bellevue, WA, USA
Name
Terry
Comment
Destiny is a nice name. I like it. I like this story so far too, though I have no idea where you're going with it. I would've liked to see a bit more of the story posted.

There's still the MORFS examination. I would've liked to have seen that. I'm curious about any powers that Destiny might have.

I have to agree about the typos and misspelled words. The story is a bit rough and could use some proofreading and maybe a little editing. Please consider it.

Thanks for the story.
Email
terrynaut@yahoo.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

woensdag 25 februari 2009 from Tustin, MI, USA
Name
Ray Drouillard
Comment
Very nice start. I love a character that has a good head on his/her shoulder.

As someone else mentioned, a good editor will help you clean up some of the distracting mechanical errors.

I'm looking forward to seeing more of this story. Keep up the good work.
Email
Ray.Drouillard@gmail.com
Homepage:
http://nerd-in-the-country.blogspot.com/

dinsdag 24 februari 2009 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
Nuke Danger
Comment
Ummm...

Please edit to fix there/their issues.

Sure beats waist/waste or shudder/shutter...

- nukie
Email
[not submitted]
Homepage:
[not submitted]

maandag 23 februari 2009 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
hartung
Comment
hey, nice idea for a story so far. but you should work on your style. i didn't get half of the story because you didn't introduce the chars properly and you write slower, meaning your story progressed a little too fast.
greetz
Email
[not submitted]
Homepage:
[not submitted]

zondag 22 februari 2009 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
Quibbler
Comment
Of course it's a Japanese name as well, and means honest and beautiful.

The Japanese are not one of the lost tribes of Israel and came up with the name on their very own.

As for 'where it came from,' that depends entirely on where *you're* coming from, and the less one assumes that one knows everything, the less likely one is to leap to erroneous conclusions.
Email
[not submitted]
Homepage:
[not submitted]

zondag 22 februari 2009 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
anonymous
Comment
Naomi is a Biblical name, from the Old Testament book of Ruth. Naomi was Ruth's mother-in-law. I suppose it's possible it's also a name in Japanese, but that's not how the name got into Western culture.
Email
[not submitted]
Homepage:
[not submitted]

zondag 22 februari 2009 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
Quibbler
Comment
Shouldn't that be Apocalypse? Or do you mean to scrape your gingernails on the blackboard?
Email
[not submitted]
Homepage:
[not submitted]

zondag 22 februari 2009 from ruiselede, belgium
Name
tom
Comment
nice start of a story , but the summery is from another story.
Email
tvh.van.hauwaert@gmail.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

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