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maandag 13 oktober 2014 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
ben569
Comment
I like your story: it is quite well written, the background and the characters are developed. It would be such a waste to let this work down without letting us know what the outcome of his change will be and whether or not they will make it to California and integrate themselves in their new community...

Hoping that you will read this,

Benjamin
Email
[not submitted]
Homepage:
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zondag 28 juni 2009 from Tustion, Michigan, USA
Name
Ray Drouillard
Comment
I like the way this story is coming along. We still don't know what kind of changes he is going to receive, but we do see that he is getting out of dodge and, hopefully, to a better country. [I'm not fond of dystopias.]

In the first part, he was angry at his dad and lost respect because of what his dad had to put up with, and how he had to snivel under the disrespect of his oppressors. I hope he gets a whole new respect for his dad when he wakes up and finds that his dad risked all and successfully rescued him.

Very good writing! It shows a keen insight into the mind and heart of a young teenage boy.
Email
Ray.Drouillard@gmail.com
Homepage:
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zondag 14 juni 2009 from Bellevue, WA, USA
Name
Terry
Comment
Heya. You've cleaned this up quite a bit since I last read it. Good. I still saw a lot of typos but I'll let them slide. I'm not your editor. :p

I like all of the emotion in this chapter. It feels real, and gritty. You set scenes well too. Now if only you could finish Jair's MORFS. I hope we don't have to wait as long as we did between chapters 1 and 2. *sigh*

Thanks!
Email
terrynaut@yahoo.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

zondag 20 juli 2008 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
Early June
Comment
A very good first chapter. The author accomplished a lot with great aconomy. He Iderntified a half dozen distinct characters, gave the reader a picture the father's work place and conditions. described a tight family with a set of shared values. Described the hero's character and prepared us to accompany him through his Morf's ordeal. He then ended the chapter with a teaser. A lot of work. thankyou.
Oh- I see by the date this sory was posted a month ago. Is the a follow up?
Email
April35showers@hotmail.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

dinsdag 17 juni 2008 from Bellevue, WA, USA
Name
Terry
Comment
Wot?! No one has posted a comment yet?

Well, this chapter is a bit of a tease. I was hoping to see what MORFS does to the boy. I'll just have to wait. *sigh*

I like that it's set in South America. Human behavior is pretty much the same everywhere but the setting gives this chapter an interesting flavor.

I'm looking forward to reading more. Please keep up the good work.

- Terry
Email
terrynaut@yahoo.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

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