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dinsdag 5 april 2011 from Lincoln, CA, USA
Name
Chopper
Comment
A great story thus far! Nice beginning, it is to bad the author chose not to keep going on it.
Email
ancestors@usa.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

maandag 5 mei 2008 from Bellevue, WA, USA
Name
Terry
Comment
Well it really has been too long since a new chapter was posted. I have a very good memory but I had to read the previous chapters again. I hope the next chapter doesn't take too long because I don't have time to read all the chapters.

Okay. Enough fussing. I enjoyed this chapter. It was fun to see him/her learning to fly. Oh, and that brings up another point. I'd like to see you figure out pronouns soon. It's too confusing!

Thanks and please keep up the good work.
Email
terrynaut@yahoo.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

maandag 21 april 2008 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
Civilmage
Comment
Good start. Too bad in over a year there has only been 15 pages of typed text. Not enough to even start the story or tell us about the supporting characters.

I really hate teasers like this all they do is take up space.

It is really wonderful when someone who has a story to tell actually tells the story and finishes it - like Sanura or Synergy or Angel's tale.

I'd sure like to see this raptor fly. S/he sounds like she would be something like a falcon. Well maybe in ten years we'll find out.

Okay I know this is a flame and I'm sorry. I've just read so many lately that got started and never finished on this site and it's such a wonderful universe. Of course, it's a lot like Heroes and X men with some interesting plot devices available. Lots and lots of potential here for the man vs man conflict. Also there has to be some interesting things involved where a state law says someone is an animal but, can be a licensed flight instructor. Property ownership, business law etc have huge potentials for fun and conflict.

I hope Oliver sees how much we're interested in this story and continues it further.
Email
civilmage@hotmail.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

donderdag 27 september 2007 from Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
Name
Great Sage
Comment
Mmm, this has an interesting way about it - sort of like a fable or parable in the language used, I HATE those bigoted S.O.Bs - I am guessing that this story takes place at an earlier period as most of the other stories set in the 2040's + have those laws repealed or dying out - I wonder what form her intersexedness takes - we are given no description of any of the characters really - how old does hir mother look for instance? and is Benito physically entirely female except for a little hidden extra or does it manifest in another way. They seemed a bit surprised at the crazy Animal control goons - do they not know the laws of that state regarding Hybrids?
The chapters could do with being longer as well.
Overall though there is considerable promise here and I want to read more - hopefully we shall not have long to wait
Email
bagfullofkittensrpgs@blueyonder.co.uk
Homepage:
[not submitted]

zondag 5 augustus 2007 from Tustin, MI, USA
Name
Ray Drouillard
Comment
I love your story. We all waited a long time for the revision, but it's very much worth the wait.

Please don't take all the harsh discussion about the hybrid laws to heart. It hurts when people nit-pick at the details and forget the rest of the story.

Keep up the good work! I look forward to the next installment.
Email
raydrou@quixnet.net
Homepage:
http://nerd-in-the-country.blogspot.com/

dinsdag 31 juli 2007 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
Max
Comment
Holy crap... I wish I could've been in that story to.. well ya, kill everyone in that endangered animal building crap, good lord I hope all of them get their um.. rears handed to them by the end of this story. Out of every story I've ever read this has to be the second cruelest, I mean I don't purposely read uh, cruel stories but I've read quite a few where I wanted to kill the bigot bastard, but good god, the parents don't even THINK about moving the hell away from that state!!?!? Wow, sorry I'm too pissed off to be uh, typing rationally. Oh btw, she and Jess soo better end up together!
Email
[not submitted]
Homepage:
[not submitted]

maandag 30 juli 2007 from Bellevue, USA
Name
Terry
Comment
Oh my. Those two men in the SUV had to have broken more laws than they were trying to enforce. Grrrrrrr


I love to get angry sometimes and those two men were a perfect excuse to get angry. Thanks.


As for the rest of the story, I'm enjoying it. I only hope Ben can get some clothes soon. Not being able to shop is worse than the treatment by the two men... well... maybe not that bad... but it was really really bad!

Email
terrynaut@yahoo.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

zaterdag 28 juli 2007 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
shrike
Comment
I agree with a lot of the comments.
And I also say that since you revised and posted all the 5 parts at the same time, maybe it would be better to join them into one.
Of course I also get the complaint that my parts are too short.
Just try to write longer parts. I do it now also.
I also think that the laws will not stand up, but that the bad people will try to enforce them as local laws.
I would like to borrow them for a short scene in my third storyline. They will try to do the same to Raven, but she just makes short work of them and even takes some revenge. Maybe free some?
Just get back to me on that.
Email
synergy@cutey.com
Homepage:
http://www.shrike.tk

zaterdag 28 juli 2007 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
early june
Comment
Due to a problem, I need to read several chapters at a time. Somewhere, I had read the first 2 chapters already. But that was not a problem as the prologue had been nicely emended smoothing out the orignal text. You have good writing skills and the story is developing very well indeed. The Benito character seems very passive. While I recognize that a debilitating deficiency can take the edge off of some personalities but doesn't the need for survival need to kick in at some point? Perhaps it could kick in with the appearance of some capability not yet apparent.
You certainly do load the deck with biased people. I am hoping that somewhere, somehow, the nasties get their comeuppances. Thank you for sharing this tale with us. I am eagerly looking forwar to some mmore of the story.
Email
april35showers@hotmail.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

donderdag 26 juli 2007 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
sh
Comment
You raise some interesting ideas in the treatment of hybrids as animals. It would be interesting for you to address the larger societal issues that such a law would raise [it has parallels to slavery, for instance, in that it defines certain individuals as less-than-human based on physical characteristics]. I had a problem with how casually the protagonist accepts this treatment, and more of a problem with the lack of revolt expressed by her parents. Not that I expect her father to take on Mr. SUV-Scumbag, but he expressed no outrage, or strong emotion about how his child is being treated. A bit more emotion and insight into the main characters would strenghten this story, which has a lot of potential. Good luck!

Sh.
Email
shalmirane@gmail.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

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