Comments

Post Entry!
Page 1 of 1 First Page | Previous Page | Next Page | Last Page Page 1 of 1
 

zondag 18 september 2011 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
Beyogi
Comment
I don't know... this seems very strange... She's too agressive to be realistic.

Still, thank you for writing.
Email
[not submitted]
Homepage:
[not submitted]

donderdag 23 oktober 2008 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
sh
Comment
A story that works on some interesting themes, but weaker than usual [for this author] storytelling weakens it.


I believe the main themes are how power tends to change us, and how relationships can turn abusive. My problem with the storytelling is that he uses a sledgehammer to make his point, resulting in inconsistent characters, and a difficulty in suspending disbelief.


The suddenness of Lisa's transformation does not ring true, particularly as she oscillates between Nazi bitch from hell and her old sweet disposition, almost on a dime, and without much rhyme or reason.


We aren't given any explanation for her very sudden change in behaviour, nor for why she inconsistently reverts to her old caring self at times.


I think the story would have been much stronger if her change into someone unlikeable had been more gradual, and less extreme. For her to be so physically violent with Bert is overkill; psychological abusiveness would have sufficed to support the author's theme, and would have made Bert's staying with her more plausible. In general, abusive relationships evolve into being, making it all the harder for the victim to get out. Here, the change is sudden, and quite physically violent. That Bert doesn't see the danger he's in doesn't speak for his intelligence. Again, if the transformation had been more gradual and less extreme, we could believe his attempts to make excuses for her.


I think this story has potential, but the author needs to take less shortcuts, and use more subtlety to make his point. We need insight into what's motivating Lisa's changes. On the outside, she appears completely bipolar. What's going on for her, and what internal justification does she have for her complete change in personality? Did she have a reason to resent being 'weak' before? And why does this charming young woman turn into an evil bully just because she gains some strength? While the story doesn't have to answer those questions, doing so would make it much more interesting.

Email
shalmirane@gmail.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

vrijdag 17 oktober 2008 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
Early June
Comment
I like your style of writing. I have enjoyed your earlier stories and that made me wish to read this one too.
You have excellent character development and characterization. The newly morphed person going wild was very lifelike. I did feel sorry for both main characters, but for different reasons. That is a tribute to the quality of your writing.
I hope to enjoy more of the efforts of your creative mind.

Thank you for sharing this with us.
Email
April35showers@hotmail.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

woensdag 15 oktober 2008 from Bellevue, WA, USA
Name
Terry
Comment
That was a very interesting role reversal. It felt very real too.

The characters were well developed. I worried for Bert and yet still felt sorry for Lisa. It was a sad situation and it had a somewhat bittersweet ending. It's a good thing I like bittersweet stories.

Thanks.
Email
terrynaut@yahoo.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

First Page | Previous Page | Next Page | Last Page
 
Post Entry!

Home
Back