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dinsdag 6 juli 2010 from West Hills, United States
Name
Steve
Comment
I liked your story and even the tie in at the end. Keep up the good work. Maybe a second story to complete the tie in.
Email
sfarlee@farlee-family.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

zaterdag 5 april 2008 from [not submitted], usa
Name
Early June
Comment
What a fun story! I was saddened to have it end.
With this project turning out so well, I have no doubt you will begin additional tales. Even without the epilogue it was apparent this story though complete was not ended.
This character is a fine addition to the roster of Morf's heroes. I have hopes that her mother too will be able to join with Sanura, perhaps as a one -two package of warriors and a way for the youth to be involved in the dangerous adult activities, while recognizing that the mother still needs a lot of emotional healing.
I like the new concept, an army of elementals. That sounds like even more fun. As to a name, I offer 'The Holmes Horde'. The byword could obviously be the familiar, 'Elementary My dear Watson!'. Giglz
More seriously, your narrating technique is good and the sentence structure flows. With another good plot, the next tale will be equally or even more exciting.
Email
April35showers@hotmail.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

zaterdag 1 maart 2008 from Bellevue, WA, USA
Name
Terry
Comment
So yeah. I originally had the story start in 2058 but I upped it a year to 2059 so I could add Faline to the epilogue [I've updated the wiki already]. And Britney is right, the story goes into 2060. The story starts in early Oct., 2059 and the weather gets warmer to show the passing of time into spring and summer the next year.

I have to say I'm a bit disappointed by the latest comments. People say they like it but they don't mention anything specific they like. They only point out parts they didn't like. Other than the confusion about the year [valid], I'll address the other points in private. *sigh*
Email
terrynaut@yahoo.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

zaterdag 1 maart 2008 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
Britney
Comment
the end of part 5 jumps ahead to 2060 when Dana heads off to college. that means that the Flutter story actually spans from 2059-2060
Email
[not submitted]
Homepage:
[not submitted]

zaterdag 1 maart 2008 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
Valentine
Comment
I hate to be a picker of nits, but wasn't Sanura's daughter born in 2060, or does she have more than one child? Unless she added time travel to her powers, she would have a hard time checking in on her daughter two years before she was born.

The story was pretty good other than that.
Email
[not submitted]
Homepage:
[not submitted]

woensdag 27 februari 2008 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
Shrike
Comment
Good story, very touching.

Just a few things. Why didn't blight make a gauge directly on it. ANd why fiddle, he should have pressed the button then and there already.

But those are not so important. I did find Dana a bit too clinical at the end.

'You are. And Mother ...,' I paused.
'Yes Daughter?'
'I love you.'

I would have written: She raced into her arms, 'I love you Mom.' But that's just me.
Email
[not submitted]
Homepage:
http://www.shrike.tk

woensdag 27 februari 2008 from [not submitted], England
Name
EMW
Comment
Another great chapter, with Dana showing what she's made of facing down the bad guys. I found it a little odd that she didn't know what o2 was since she's 16 so should have done at least basic chemistry but that was only a minor thing.

Anyway a great story and I look forward to more. Keep up the good work.
Email
emw1979@gmail.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

zondag 24 februari 2008 from midwest, United States of America
Name
KR
Comment
This is an interesting story, because both the country and the people are well-described and well worth knowing [except, maybe, the person mentioned at the end of #4].

Thank you for writing this story; I felt I was looking over Dana's shoulder as the story unfolded before me.
Sincerely,
KR
Email
doswin31@yahoo.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

vrijdag 15 februari 2008 from [not submitted], England
Name
EMW
Comment
Another great chapter and interesting ending that only leaves me wanting to find out what happens.
I like your portrayal of this tempestuous youth with potentially very scary powers. Your irish setting is interesting, my sister lives in Ireland albeit in the more modern areas but I have visited some of areas you describe and it rings true with my feelings about the place.
Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more on your interesting heroine.

EMW
Email
emw1979@gmail.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

donderdag 14 februari 2008 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
ZEBRA
Comment
woot another good chapter for Flutter.
Email
[not submitted]
Homepage:
[not submitted]

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