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maandag 30 augustus 2010 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
Kitty24
Comment
Your story has a nice plot, which is unfortunately the same nice plot as a quarter of all the MORFS stories, which is Child of influential purist gets infected, mayhem ensues. Your dialogue and minor characters are unrealistic. However, this piece is still about average among the MORFS stories. Keep it up and someday you might be able to publish a thriller novel.
Email
sohzq@yahoo.com.sg
Homepage:
[not submitted]

vrijdag 22 januari 2010 from Guelph, Canada
Name
Dianna Machen
Comment
Wow, very well done.

Now, this next part, I don't want it to sound like I'm flaming you, this is supposed to be constructive criticism okay?

Oh and this is normally Formatted, however the stupid posting thing ruins all my formatting. My apologies in advance.

Here we go.

First of all, I found that the explanation for why she was kidnapped to be a bit weak, 'to experiment on her'? well that's kind of obvious but...I just think you could've come up with a better explanation.

I also felt that some potential wasn't fully explored, for example: The dragon. THat would've been an amazing thing to explore, sadly it seems that you didn't really do anything with it. Also, an explanatino of what a 'silent guardian' was would've been nice. I am a gamer-girl and I've played my fair share of shooters, so I know what a javelin missile launcher is, and RPG's, however I think that they would've been more likely to use anti-air weapons. I'm also not sure that RPG's have homing capabilities, I thought they were dumb-fire.

Lastly...ummm..some of the action sequences seemed a bit rushed, take your time with them next time, so they don't seem so chaotic.

a minor point was that i found the idea of adjusting a satelite via TK was a bit..far-fetched just because of the amount of power that would be needed. Reaching that far up to fine-tune adjust a satelite requirse quite a bit of power. Now maybe I mis-read that part but...

Lastly, umm...a bit too many cameo's. I *love* cameo's, and I recognized some of them. However, with so many, the ending because frantic and difficult to follow.

Otherwise, I was very satisfied with the read. Very clever and very well done. I don't think your gal needed to be quite that powerful, but at the same time it was thoroughly enjoyable to read about someone with a slightly different morf power.

Oh..I just htought of this. The last little note. TGing her was a wonderful idea, however you didn't really seem to do anything with it. she accepted it so quickly that it barely rated as a footnote. Most males I know would've been freaking out if they got turned into a woman and then had sex with a male. ANd seeing how she was constantly on the run and flying, she didn't really have time to settle down and get used to her body.

Okay, that's all. I REALLY enjoyed the story, and it has given me inspiration to write one of my own MORFS stories. THank you very much!
Email
cherryblossomelf@yahoo.ca
Homepage:
[not submitted]

zaterdag 11 oktober 2008 from Bellevue, WA, USA
Name
Terry
Comment
I like this story and I liked the ending. I have to agree with the previous comment though. The story got too chaotic with all the different perspectives of the same event. I think it would've been better to have a single omniscient perpective that covered all the background events in chronological order.

Thanks for the fun read.
Email
terrynaut@yahoo.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

maandag 6 oktober 2008 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
Jas
Comment
I enjoyed this story a lot... up until the last chapter, where it became such a mess of different characters and multiple retellings of the same events. The scene where the android shoots is a good example of this - you described the same events about 4 or 5 times, which is 3 or 4 times too many!

Please take this as constructive criticism though. Like I said, I very much enjoyed the rest of the story [despite not commenting on it earlier].
Email
[not submitted]
Homepage:
[not submitted]

donderdag 14 augustus 2008 from Bellevue, WA, USA
Name
Terry
Comment
It's about time for another chapter of First Hybrid.

Raven certainly goes through a lot and takes out a lot of bad guys. I'm still a little disburbed by how Bear took advantage of her though. You might consider going back and revisiting that scene to explain some things. Perhaps Raven was blocking it out of her memory because she was embarrassed for liking it so much. Just a thought.

Anyway, thanks and please keep up the good work.
Email
terrynaut@yahoo.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

dinsdag 18 maart 2008 from Columbia, SC, USA
Name
Grover
Comment
Nice chapter. Although her luck is going like usual at least someone [the ship's captain] knows the truth now. I think it is likely that he'll notifiy that Hybrid Org. and let them know her situation. Dad just sucks big time!! Mom I don't know yet, she is at least suspicious of her husband. How will she react to her new daughter?
This is one of my must reads!!!
grover
Email
grover357@msn.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

maandag 17 maart 2008 from Bellevue, WA, USA
Name
Terry
Comment
Hey! Yeah. You sure have a lot of cliffhangers. :p

I like this chapter though. I love Orianna's journey and the obstacles she faces along the way. The dragon is quite an obstacle but it'll be so cool to have a dragon friend [yes, I'm sure they'll be friends].

Please keep up the good work. This is my favorite of your MORFS stories so far.
Email
terrynaut@yahoo.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

maandag 17 maart 2008 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
Eqdragon
Comment
LOL you do love your cliff hangers man kepp it going
Email
averageman41@hotmail.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

maandag 10 maart 2008 from [not submitted], [not submitted]
Name
civilmage
Comment
Oriana is a very interesting character. I think it might be good to give some background to help understand why she is so angry. Obviously she was mistreated even tortured for weeks if not months, that should mean some nightmares etc. I also liked the brief precog nightmare she had. So does she have precog? Does it evolve into more flashes of insight she finds useful?

I hope you have some time to work on this next chapter real quick. Good luck.
Email
civilmage@hotmail.com
Homepage:
[not submitted]

vrijdag 15 februari 2008 from Baltimore, Merryland
Name
zebra
Comment
Pretty awesome story. Thank you
Email
[not submitted]
Homepage:
[not submitted]

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